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The Insult Team !

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[13 Jun 2007|02:16pm]

It pisses me off that I have no friends at all! Since I moved here the only people I can talk to are my boyfriend, my mom and my grandma! My best friend doesn't even talk to me anymore. It's just plain fucking Shitty!!!
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[31 Jan 2005|08:32pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

It fuckin' pisses me off that its hard to make friends. I have plenty, but I'm always ready to make more. I know I'm not lame, I'm badass. Its all the other people, you don't know if their boring or just a bunch of dumb pussies or what. Don't make the mistake of letting some random loser sit at your table while at a coffee shop. People who want to talk about shit like church, their shitty ass relationship, politics, screw all that. I wish I could read minds to weed out all the people not worth time.

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Things that piss me off real good.... [30 Jan 2005|09:59pm]

People who drive with their brights on, posers, changes for the worse, bad breath, tired, sad, that unsure feeling, sluts, scared, people who drive to slow, people who break when useing the "on ramps", old beer taste, stale smoke smell, infections, regret, little pay checks, jealousy, uncertainty, fear, fleas, fat, waiting around, my 3rd grade teacher, rumors, alone, drama, nose bleeds, the word "gouge", pubic hair, bologna, Walgreen's, dead batteries mixed in with good ones, being broke, to late, pop-ups, screaming children, that fucking emo kid hair cut, waiting by the phone, jell-o with pineapple pieces in it, fruit cake, leg cramps, Anna Nicole Smith, when you ask someone "hey is that salsa real spicy" and they say "no" so you try it and burn your mouth then their like "well, its not hot to me", confusion, misconceptions, dog poop, extreme sports fans (not to be confused with fans of extreme sports, which is ok), being lost in the car and the rage it causes, telemarketers, temps. over 70 degrees, bees, bordem, and breakups.
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[27 Apr 2004|06:11am]

Seasonal Exercisers

  • Bicycle riders. I'm not talking about the professional cyclists you see around. Those guys know the rules of the road and don't fuck with you. Sure, they make you uneasy as you drive next to them, but most of them have great etiquette. No, I'm talking about the plumber who decides he wants to get in shape but is afraid he'll shatter his knees if he tries to run (not that I can blame him). They wobble down the center of the street at 5mph, 10 if the tires haven't popped yet. You impatiently follow them, secretly hoping that they'll fall over and give you an opportunity to run over them with the alibi that they fell in front of your car as you were passing them. They never fall though. Their fat provides some sort of extraordinary balance, sort of like the buoyancy they have in the water. And sometimes they make an attempt at letting you pass, but they wobble right back into your path and are too big to get around anyway. I usually keep donuts with me and toss one to the side as far as I can.

  • Women "speed walking" in tights. Yeah, you thought this was an early-90's trend, but it's still going on. It should be classified under public indecency and outlawed. The women don about thirty pounds of fat before winter so they can hybernate inside their homes in between soccer season and baseball season. When nice weather rolls around, they buy a pair of black spandex pants 6 sizes too small and go out walking so that they can lose enough weight to fit into a bathing suit and spend the entire summer at the beach. In reality, they never slim down. All the weight they lose, if any, is gained back when they celebrate by eating three cheesecakes. Plus, they only actually go out to exercise once a week at most. But because there are so many of them, I'm still forced to witness them multiple times a day, every day.

  • The best part? When the spandex pants are so small that when the fatass puts them on, the seams stretch to such an extent that you can see their cellulite-ridden legs blotching at the sight of the sun. Or when they decide they're still going to spend all summer at the beach, even with their rolls hanging out of their bathing suit and sea of cellulite wafting over their slightly rippling fat, resembling the waves of the real sea.

  • People who think walking their dog to the end of the street is exercise. Tell you what: if you agree to also bend over and pick up the dog shit that your dog leaves on the sidewalk, I'll consider it a form of aerobics.

  • Joggers/Runners. With this group, I detest those who are actually in shape and do it regularly, and not the amateurs. Amateur joggers know that they suck and should stay on the sidewalk (or maybe they know that people pay money to see oddities as weird as their running technique and thus try to stay out of sight). But for some reason, the more "athletic" runners feel as though they deserve to run in the bike lane, or if there is none, on the road itself. Who put it in their head that they can run as fast as a fucking car? YOU CAN'T. EVER. You can't even run as fast as a car in the slowest speed zone around here. And hell, if there are no sidewalks, at least jog on the correct side of the road (the left side) and in a column, not a row. I feel like I'm bowling when I'm driving, and you have no idea how tempting it is to go for a strike instead of the lawful gutterball.

  • Anyone that thinks riding a jet ski is a form of exercise is an idiot. And anyone that rides their jet ski too close to the shore, let alone all the way onto the fucking shore, is getting torn off and used as a stepping stool as I steal your jet ski. Kids swim there, prick. And I pee there.

  • Assholes at the beach who think they own it just because they're in shape and tan. Yeah, you'll probably be having sex in the water later and I won't be. But I can still piss in the water, and that puts me in power.

Started to get a little off track, so I'll stop there. Let me know if you can think of any other types of outdoor exercise.

Comment here, if you don't mind.

[10 Apr 2004|03:12am]

Figured it might be worth posting this here.

My Rules of the RoadCollapse )


[25 Jan 2004|06:50am]

[ mood | your mom ]

What's shakin'????

my friend john is but a lone ninja. you should not fall in love with himCollapse )

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[21 Jul 2003|05:03pm]

[ mood | amused ]

i, for one, am amazed that jeanette has not turned here to rant about the police so,

THE PIGS, discuss:

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